


time and time again

by ugaytsu



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Angst, Childhood Friends, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, it's sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 15:29:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20780870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ugaytsu/pseuds/ugaytsu
Summary: Shizusumi has been a constant source of comfort to Hiiragi.How Hiiragi is affected by his childhood friends' relationship and Yuuki's death.





	time and time again

**Author's Note:**

> There are literally 5 (five) fics of this ship so I contributed this thing because I have so many FEELINGS okay (i just realized this note was written in complete gibberish a while ago so i changed it)

The first time Hiiragi saw his childhood friends kissing was in a classroom during middle school. Yuuki, ever confident in his own skin, stared him straight in the eye as if to say _what are you going to do about this._ Hiiragi held his gaze with wide eyes of his own for as long as he could, before he walked away from the scene.

He tells Shizusumi about it when they get home to his room. “What do you think?”

Shizusumi peered at him from above the textbook he was reading. “I’m more surprised you didn’t notice, Hiiragi. That they were going out.”

Hiiragi _did_ notice. The lingering touches of their hands, the way Mafuyu smiled at Yuuki, the popular Yuuki always wanting to hang out with quiet Mafuyu instead of his other friends, and the way the two always disappeared by themselves when the four of them were supposed to hang out. It was almost like-

“It’s like they’re made for each other,” Shizusumi finished, as if he had read Hiiragi’s thoughts.

“I guess,” Hiiragi agreed. He leaned his head back against his bed, closing his eyes. The two of them had been sitting on the floor with their backs against the bed, Shizusumi studying diligently and Hiiragi chatting about their friends’ relationship. The question of the two of them being guys was at the back of Hiiragi’s mind but he didn’t say anything. _They’re made for each other_ summed it up well. It didn’t matter that they were both male, they each had something the other was lacking and the two of them being together completed a whole.

Was there someone made for him, like Mafuyu and Yuuki were made for each other? Mafuyu and Yuuki having found each other so early on was a strange thing. Maybe Hiiragi was just a late bloomer, because he hasn’t even had a girlfriend yet. He would probably meet someone in his adult life while working as a boring salaryman, get married, start a family and grow old together with them. Shizusumi would be the same.

“Aren’t you supposed to be studying?” Shizusumi asked after a while. His fingers brush against Hiiragi’s dry, bleached bangs and Hiiragi scrunches his nose before he lifted his head up to look at his friend. “I’m not letting you copy on tomorrow’s test. People already look at you like you’re some delinquent after you went blonde.”

“Stingy,” Hiiragi huffed. He pulled his knees up to wrap his arms around them.

Shizusumi always looked out for him like this. Hiiragi didn’t have a lot of friends, and he liked to look tough because he didn’t like people seeing him as vulnerable in any way.

“Hey Shizu, you kissed anyone yet?”

Shizusumi eyed him curiously.

“I haven’t,” Hiiragi admitted, burying only half of his face in his arms so that he could train his eyes on Shizusumi’s study desk. Shizusumi would have told him, right? Hiiragi knew he himself would brag to his closest friend about it.

“I haven’t either,” Shizusumi deadpanned. He seemed to have gone back to studying again, while Hiiragi hasn’t even as much as opened his textbook since they came home thirty minutes ago.

Hiiragi nudged Shizusumi with his elbow. “You wanna kiss so we can get it over with?”

Shizusumi seemed as unfazed as he was about everything, and it made Hiiragi feel embarrassed.

“Hey, say something!” Hiiragi snapped at him angrily, pushing at Shizusumi’s shoulder roughly so the boy almost falls to the floor.

Shizusumi sits up again, closing his textbook to set it down on the floor. “You won’t regret it?”

“What?”

“You might regret that you wasted your first kiss on me and not someone special like a first love,” Shizusumi elaborated. He reached over to pat Hiiragi on the head. “I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret.”

It was like he was saying he wasn’t important to Hiiragi and that was what pissed Hiiragi off more than anything. He slaps Shizusumi’s hand away from his hair. “I won’t regret it! Will _you?_” Maybe Shizusumi was a romantic and wanted his first kiss to be with his first love. It would be pretty lame of Shizusumi, but Hiiragi was considerate enough to not pressure his friend.

Shizusumi gave him a small smile. “I won’t.”

Kashima Hiiragi’s first kiss was in middle school, with his best friend of several years, just to get their first kisses over and done with. He had only been a little nervous, and pretty much clueless about kissing in general but Shizusumi pressing his somewhat dry lips full against his, a reassuring hand cupping Hiiragi’s cheek, made Hiiragi’s first kiss better than expected.

Hiiragi dated a handful of girls in high school after playing in a band made him a little more popular than before, and he experienced all sorts of different kinds of kisses. None of his girlfriends ever lasted more than a month. They always reasoned that Hiiragi was too brash, too inattentive because he focused on making music, and even too emotionally unstable when Yuuki died.

“Girls suck at understanding my feelings,” he mumbled against Shizusumi’s chest for the hundredth time. He’d been crying again today, blaming himself for not doing anything when he noticed that Yuuki and Mafuyu weren’t so happy anymore. He could have told them they needed a break, to let things cool off before it boiled over and they said more hurtful things to each other. Hell, even just listening to them would probably have helped. He could have asked Yuuki how he was feeling lately.

“It wasn’t your fault.” Shizusumi stroked his hair. Hiiragi didn’t know if he meant the latest break-up or his blaming himself for Yuuki’s death, but he holds on to Shizusumi’s shirt tighter as he felt the tears prickle at his eyes again. “None of it was your fault, Hiiragi.”

They stayed sitting together on the floor of Shizusumi’s room, Hiiragi cradled in Shizusumi’s arms and almost laying on top of him. Shizusumi’s hands kept rubbing comforting circles on Hiiragi’s back and shoulders, letting the blonde boy sniffle quietly.

Shizusumi has always been a constant source of comfort since they were children. Hiiragi was always getting into scuffles with other kids when they were little, more often than not with Mafuyu, over stupid things like who hit whose face during ball games. In middle school it was other people picking fights with Hiiragi because they decided that his blonde hair was a sign of delinquency, and Hiiragi getting pissed off and trying to fight back. After Yuuki died it was Shizusumi that Hiiragi clung to when he cried his heart out, even though he knew it hurt just as much for Shizusumi and that it was even worse for Mafuyu.

Hiiragi moves away and Shizusumi hands him the box of tissues so Hiiragi could blow his nose loudly.

“Shizu.” Hiiragi gave him a tear-stained smile. He reached for Shizusumi’s hand and gave it a squeeze, making no move to let go just yet. His friend didn’t even look mildy grossed out, even though Hiiragi’s face was red and splotchy and ugly and he probably had remnants of snot on the hand he was holding Shizusumi’s with. “Thank you. Really.”

Shizusumi squeezed his hand back. “You’ve got nothing to thank me for.”

He was wrong. Hiiragi had everything to thank him for. But voicing out his feelings wasn’t Hiiragi’s strongest suit and there was just so much to say, so many instances that Shizusumi was there for him, so he settled for not letting go of Shizusumi’s hand.

“I’m glad you were my first kiss, Shizu.” Hiiragi rested his head against Shizusumi’s shoulder. “It couldn’t have been anyone else.”

Hiiragi could hear the smile in his voice. “Yeah. Me too.”


End file.
